Gone and Restored

What's that saying? Looks are deceiving. This runs true in many aspects of peoples lives. When you are fat, people seem to think you are shy, unlovable, gross and so on. When you have an awesome car like a Cadillac, people assume you have money, and lots of it.

There is also that other saying. Don't judge a book by it's cover! I have suffered with weight issues for a long time now and I know of the judgment people pass when they see me. I have to say it's a shame (not to toot my own horn) that they didn't get to know the real me. I am so much more then what they see. Same with the nice vehicle. I drive a Jeep just to clear things up, but you see someone in a Cadillac and think, whoa that must be nice. What is nice? The insurance that is high, the payment that is even higher. Now I am not saying that everyone with a Cadillac is in debt over their nice ride, I am just saying, you truly never know!

Where am I going with this. Well I am going a lot deeper then the car you drive. I am talking about the relationship I have with my husband. We have now been together for 8 years. Things have always seemed to be okay. But in the house, behind closed doors, it was more like a friendship. Someone I was living with. Someone who was depressed and I was also. It was not sexual 98% of the time, it wasn't lovey dovey, it was more like I am mom, he is dad and that was that. We were not husband and wife. Somewhere in being mother, taxi, wife, cook, cleaning lady, I lost Jessica. I lost Jessica as loving wife to my more than wonderful husband. I lost Jessica the fun going mother of 2 adorable daughters. I was just gone.

Who knew that one chat with the hubby, and the expressions of emotions and feelings between the 2 of us could change everything. Guess what?? I found Jessica. I found my sex drive (maybe more than Calvin can keep up with) I found that mother I have always known I was, I found the joys in cleaning my home to feel good not just to have it clean enough. I found that drive I needed to start working out and really hunkering down on my eating to get in shape and healthy for myself! For Jessica! For Calvin, who loves me no matter what but is right there on my weight loss journey pushing me and working out (literally) right beside me and keeping me positive about my acing muscles and sore legs/arms/abs and such. But more importantly, for my children who want to run to the car with mommy but can't because mommy can't breath (lol) or want mommy to slide with them, but I am lazy and would rather watch from the grass. I don't want to die a young age from problems cause by being obese. I don't want to deal with diabetes if I can avoid it. So while the most important person is me, my weight loss is very important to and for my family as well. (sorry that kinda of jumped off the relationship anyways..)

Are you struggling in your relationship with your spouse? Don't be ashamed, no one EVER said love was easy! So here we are with another saying, Don't sweat the small things. Well I guess it all depends on how you take that, but it was the small things *(see below) that the hubby and I put back into our relationship that has helped us move up in the love department, helped the sex drive, dissipated the depression and made this house a home again.

*more than a peck. I don't expect you or myself to go into a make out session, but a deep kiss can lighten any mood, make you hubby feel at home when he arrives home and with Calvins makes him long for more (after the kids are in bed of course)
*holding hands. in the car, at the mall, even at home. the power of touch is amazing and makes me as a women feel that even if he is not saying I love you, his hand, entangled with mine shows me the love.

One more saying before you go.

We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.

2 comments:

    I am glad that Jessica has been found and that you are on a wonderful new path!

     

    Holly, I am surprised you found out how to comment. I have went through like 12 different templets now, can't find one I love haha. Some I couldn't see the comment thing! UUUGH, hopefully by tomorrow I will have something picked out!