Commitment
Sunday, January 17, 2010 by Jessica
Why is it so hard for me to commit my life to the Lord. I tell myself over and over, I'm going to church today. And how many times have I followed through... 4 times out of a million maybe. I have people tell me "Church is not the only way to have commitment." Yes, I know this, but in my case it's a necessity (in my eyes) considering I don't feel well enough educated to dedicate and commit my life.
There are times I feel embarrassed to go to church if I don't have someone else besides my children to go with me. Why? I am not going for any ones benefit but mine. How can that hold me back when I know this is what I want. Why can't I make that commitment?
I do not want my relationship with the Lord to gain strength only when I need him. I have seen this in many cases. Something devastating happens and then people turn to God. I want that bond and relationship now. Why can't I make that commitment?
Other things that run through my head when contemplating weather to go or not is the fact that since I am uneducated, I have a million questions that I can not just shout out as the pastor is speaking. I come home, I feel lost and people around me don't seem to want to talk about the service. but this is NO reason to not commit because only with time will I be able to go back and answer my own questions. Why can't I make that commitment?
So here I sit on a beautiful Sunday morning writing about wanting commitment to church and the Lord instead getting myself, my children and my husband ready to go.
WHY CAN'T I MAKE THAT COMMITMENT!!!?
There are times I feel embarrassed to go to church if I don't have someone else besides my children to go with me. Why? I am not going for any ones benefit but mine. How can that hold me back when I know this is what I want. Why can't I make that commitment?
I do not want my relationship with the Lord to gain strength only when I need him. I have seen this in many cases. Something devastating happens and then people turn to God. I want that bond and relationship now. Why can't I make that commitment?
Other things that run through my head when contemplating weather to go or not is the fact that since I am uneducated, I have a million questions that I can not just shout out as the pastor is speaking. I come home, I feel lost and people around me don't seem to want to talk about the service. but this is NO reason to not commit because only with time will I be able to go back and answer my own questions. Why can't I make that commitment?
So here I sit on a beautiful Sunday morning writing about wanting commitment to church and the Lord instead getting myself, my children and my husband ready to go.
WHY CAN'T I MAKE THAT COMMITMENT!!!?
Sometimes you just have to take that leap even when you are unsure, or scared, or whatever word you want to insert. For myself, I want to spend more time in the Bible and in prayer but I'm so used to not doing it that I can easily forget or push it aside. I have to tell myself to stop and take the time to do it. Otherwise, it will never get done. I know that I will reach a point where I want to and look forward to it. But for now I have to learn to break my old routine.
It is hard and if you stop going it is hard to start going again. But take the leap and do it! Don't worry about being by yourself. You don't have go to church to be close to God but it certainly helps and it helps feed your soul! I hope you can make it next week.