Thursday, August 13, 2009
by Jessica
Update:
9:21 P.M. I am almost 48 hours smoke free and I am not doing very well. Even tho I am using the patch, I am fighting these cravings alone it feels. I have literally slept all day just to try and be okay with llife today. Hubby took the girls to see their grandmother and I had the house to myself. It was hard to not think about smoking since the house was silent. I ended up snuggling in bed and watching twilight and taking a snooze! When I woke I felt okay but still my emotions going crazy! Right now tho, I feel fine. I so not like this emotional roller coaster I am on! Last night before I went to bed I was sure that I was going to have a hard time but I did not. I got in bed, watched a little of the movie, turned over and I layed there for maybe 20 minutes listening to the movies, but smoking did not cross my mind like I thought it would have. I was always picky about having one before bed. I felt like I was doing ao well but today, I feel like it's getting the best of me for one, and that I will fail and smoke again beczuase the cravings are so intense, and the crying, and mood swings ECT. I can't deal with and have to deal with my children, as I showed myself today. I mean I slept! I can't do that with my children and I won't UUUUGH! I can and WILL do this. May just take a little different plan of attach! What that is? I have no idea just yet, but something has to give.
Original Post
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!
8:48 A.M.I have been up for a little over 2 hours, and smoke free for 9 hours. I went out side and enjoyed (sick I know) my last cigarette at 11 o'clock last night! I feel like my insides are freaking out, and I feel myself, out of total habit, keep thinking, well before I do dishes I will go smoke, while I wait 20 minuets for little train picture to load I will go smoke. I can't believe how much I thought about. Am I thinking about it more now that I don't have any? I am sure! I think I am kinda feeling freaked out because I know it's going to get worse! My emotions will stir, my hair will fly, I will be moody, I will want to sleep (helps get over craving) and I will want to eat to keep my hands and mind busy! I am not posting this as I go, I will just post as one big thing at the end of the day.
I also want to add, my hubs is awesome, he is also quitting nicotine (in the for of chew) and today will actually be his second day! Maybe when he gets home I can get him to give me his feelings and emotions today as he continues to fight nicotine!
5:33 P.M.It took me a while to get back to my blog because I have a craving that I felt was going to defeat me. I felt shaky, dizzy, I was day dreaming and just not together. I could have cried on request and turned around and blew fire from my nostrils. How did I deal, well I took a nap. Addisyn was sleeping and Brianna was watching cartoon and almost asleep. When I woke up I felt fine. No craving, no need, nothing! It was nice. I think one thing that triggered it was that I ate. Well I also just ate dinner, and this time I feel well. So far! I am not even wearing a patch! There was one time that I thought about going outside, and that was right after I ate and I was thinking I will let the family finish then clean up when I get in, but honestly it was not that bad of an urge. I got over it fairly quick and like I said feel good now.
Calvin is feeling much the same way that I am. He is short tempered right now, and I forgive him for that! He also can't handle a noise going on for an amount of time (ex. Addisyn crying) without getting frustrated and hanging his head. Again I forgive him and understand! I am sure I am the same way, but I don't really see it. I know I am triggered by the smallest thing, and tears well up, but I don't let them roll! I take a breath and chill! haha. I am now at 18 hours from my last cigarette!
7:09P.M.Success! We went to Calvin's fathers house because it is his fathers birthday. Well while we were there I seen at least 4 cigarettes light and it the smell was obnoxious! Was it torture? Not really, because I prepared myself before we went over there with a fresh patch and also with the mind set that I was strong enough to make it. Not only that but I know that this would not be the first time in this situation. I am proud of myself! I feel like I have done well!
Since it in 9:00 in the east, I am going to post this now, and my updates will be at the top for the rest of the night!
You CAN do it! I think you are doing fabulous already!